The moment I realised I’m deaf again

I went to a hearing event last night on my own as I just needed to get out. This is difficult being a single mum and all that. The hearing event was an open mic music night in a bar. When I first went in I was greeted by noise. I chose to step out of my comfort zone and persevere anyway. 

I soon sat down at a table and somehow joined in on the conversation with three people. I was mainly able to join in as one person was animated in her actions as she was speaking. I still only got snippets of information though to be able to join in. I did explain to them that I had a hearing problem and wouldn’t be able to hear everything they said. They said they understood and said yes it’s a noisy place. But I’m guessing it was their first encounter with a deaf person as they carried on just the same. 

The venue had many reflective surfaces and no carpet or any materials that would absorb sound. I’ve never been there before and I’m guessing I won’t be going back in a hurry. Even though I was sat next to someone I couldn’t hear a damn thing they said. Music was going on, projected by speakers and yet the others on the table managed to hear what he was saying?! 

That’s the moment I realised I’m deaf yet again. It depresses me so having deafness and people aren’t deaf aware or know any sign language.  

Our sign language awareness has improved in some respect but people like Jamie Foxx appearing on the Jimmy Fallon show and mimicking sign language recently shows people still haven’t grasped the need for sign language. Or that many deaf people rely on a basic communication need.  

It all feels like deaf awareness is falling on the hearing persons deaf ears and they are not pulling their finger out to learn sign language or become deaf aware fast enough. 

Campaigns for teaching British Sign Language as a GCSE at school is seemingly taking forever to gain traction. Why won’t British parliament consider that we need British Sign Language to be recognised as a language? 

When will hearing people realise that being deaf is not a joke? We need access to basic communication needs just like you.  


Confrontation to my rapist ‘friend’

So I decided to send ‘Dear rapist ‘friend’, thank you!’ to the man, boy, eejit who raped me. I have had him blocked on Facebook and I believe his phone number too.

I had to block him on Facebook before as Facebook listed him as a ‘Person you may know.’ Thanks Facebook(!) I unblocked him the other day and spur of the moment led me to send him a message via Messenger. I used the ‘Dear rapist ‘friend’, thank you!’ letter and made sure every swear word was spelt out.

As we’re not friends on Facebook the message went into his ‘other’ folder for him to accept or decline. He had the instant message symbol next to his profile picture. I sent it at 1:18am as that’s how much he still preyed on my mind.

About 12 hours later I checked his Facebook profile and I couldn’t find it! This means he’s been affected by my message and can’t pretend he ain’t read it! Even though my message has not been accepted I know he’s read it. Why block someone after being contacted by them out of the blue?

I know others have done the same to their rapist(s) when no longer seeing them physically through a quick search on Google. Some were a similar story to me – thinking they couldn’t have been raped by someone they knew.

Anyhoo I feel even more insisted to write RagDoll and tell the world this difficult subject. These people are broken to do such an act. Also don’t EVER think for one second after reading this article think that it was your fault that the rape happened. You will somehow learn how to live with the trauma. I am slowly by writing about it.